In the ancient Indian culture, a woman was treated as Sakthi (storehouse of power!) with reverence. They did because of a woman’s ability to survive birthing, her intuition, her creativity, her patience, her love, her power to protect and to destroy.
Surely that changed! The change rendered a woman’s status less than a man leaving her vulnerable to harm - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Then came women empowerment to reinstate her as Sakthi, only this time the focus was on financial independence of the woman rather than celebrating a woman for who she really is! The result, women are now expected to do the only thing men have been doing in a long time – provide for the family! This is in addition to all the other things the women already have to do as a part of their “responsibilities” – care for children, care for the family, and run the home. Just thinking it is exhausting, imagine the life of women who live it. They are called ‘Superwomen’ or ‘Supermoms’ who do it all and have it all under control.
The question is though, do we really have to be able to do it all? When I was younger my uncle always said I am capable of being an Indra Nooyi! (Well, he loved me too much because I know I’m no where close.) Indra Nooyi as capable as she is may have not gotten here without her mother’s support and grounding – a support system, in some form or the other! In our desire to portray a Superwoman we often forget to highlight the support system, leading most women who don’t have it to feel like they are not enough or the other extreme where they push themselves to do it all and feel burnt out or lost. Social media hasn’t made this any easier with influencers posting about perfect bodies, perfect skin, perfect homes, dreamy vacations, loveable memories with children, creating a deeper sense of lack in so many of us who cannot seem to plan for the next minute to work out in our favour!
The latest campaigns around women empowerment have started talking about self-love and self-care, which is great but if you closely take a look they seem to be more on the lines of relaxing in front of the screen, retail therapy, spa and salon visits – all of which are dopamine inducing activities i.e. addictive and leaving us constantly needing something new to feel good. Or they talk about positive affirmations and motivating self-talk which for most people doesn’t seem to work because the underlying issues are not addressed.
Here is how I exempt myself from doing it all, knowing it all and having it all under control in the same order!
Acceptance: The biggest step is first accepting ourselves for who we really are – the good and the bad, both without a sense of pride and lack. Accepting my self has made me feel more at peace with myself, I am more open about what I can and can’t do. I am slowly but steadily learning to overcome my fear of being judged which allows me set boundaries and focus on what really matters to me. This has helped me make real connections with people with whom I share a relationship of mutual respect, trust, and freedom! I find solace and support in just knowing they are there!
Gratitude: Gratitude allows us to learn from every experience, whether good or bad. The learnings are what made us who we are today – resilient but vulnerable and capable but imperfect. Being able to view our challenges as learning and growing opportunities helps us shift our focus from a sense of lack to contentment. It also makes us better, stronger, and more compassionate human beings. When we count these challenges as blessings, we begin to understand that it’s the challenges that made us the version of ourselves today. “Gratitude is the only value that shifts our attitudes from lack to contentment.”
Forgiveness: Perfection is an image that sells and hence we see it everywhere. But I have come to learn that imperfection is real. The awareness of imperfection is good because it allows us to learn and get creative! The awareness of my limitations and my ability to be accountable for the consequences of my actions has also taught me forgiveness. I, as painfully long as it is taking, have found it in me not only to forgive myself but to also ask for forgiveness and forgive others when I experience pain or hurt through them.
Unconditional Love: Once we have travelled the path of acceptance, setting boundaries, being vulnerable, belonging, feeling grateful and forgiving, we will be able to feel unconditional love not just for ourselves but for everyone and everything around us without any further effort!
So, dear women, we don’t have to do it all, know it all and have it all under control. We just have to give ourselves the chance to be ourselves, accept ourselves, build a support system, ask for help and create workarounds!
While I have said this, I am aware of a lot of men who feel equally responsible to care for the children, care for the family and run the home, ‘if’ the woman wants to go out there and pursue a career. One of them being my husband!
And there are men who need the above process as much as we do, due to the undue pressure of machoism laid on them. So, dear men, give yourselves the chance to go through the above process as well!
We are all unique and special in our own way. When we learn to see that in ourselves, we learn to see it in our children and the people around us!
So true!! Usually we get so caught up in the scene that we forget the ultimate goal.