Whenever I passionately talk about parenting, I get asked whether I follow gentle parenting or peaceful parenting. While I do try to be gentle and peaceful, what I am particular about with AJ is respectful parenting.
My first and only interaction with another child before AJ was with my three-year-old nephew sixteen years before AJ came along! I owe my sense of respect for these little humans to him. The level of maturity, understanding and openness he showed put any adult in his environment to shame! When AJ came along sub-consciously, I seemed to have developed a strong sense of respect for this little human being who had nothing but her instincts to survive, grow and learn!
As parents, AJ’s Dad and I are learning to understand and respect AJ’s needs, at least we try to be conscious and aware of when she is not her normal self and either change the ‘why’ or help her understand the ‘why’. This is a constant effort on our end as parents and AJ’s to meet middle ground for any decisions that need to be taken.
Here’s how we practise being respectful!
In most cultures, I have noticed children being addressed in plural! When we tried this with AJ two things happened, sub-consciously our respect for her strengthened and she communicates respectfully to everyone around her. We also endeavour to always have open and honest communications with AJ.
Freedom:
Children learn best when they have the space, time, and freedom to observe their environment, expand their understanding and explore their environment in their own way with all their senses! I have often joked saying I am probably the laziest parent alive as I hardly ever try to come up with activities, instruct, say no, baby proof, cook separate meals and the like for AJ! My “laziness”, as it turns out has given AJ the time and space to bring out her creative best (both creation and problem solving).
Comprehension:
Children are born intuitive beings. They seem to have an innate understanding of their abilities, limits, and boundaries. If we observe a well-connected, well fed, and well rested child try something new, we will notice that they are able to comprehend how much they can do, what they need help with and what their limits are. By learning to trust and understand their instinct, we respect their individuality; and their pace of exploring, learning, and growing. We do hope AJ grows up to learn to trust her own intuition and abilities while being fully cognizant of her limitations and boundaries.
(Im)perfection:
We are often so conditioned to look at results/destination rather than the effort/journey. We forget that the true joy of doing anything is the learning that happens while putting in the work to get the job done. The result/ destination-oriented thoughts often lead us to have pre-conceived notions about a certain level of accuracy for anything to feel like an achievement. If we slightly changed this mindset to focus on the journey or the effort by being fully present and mindful, we will realise that beauty lies in boldness, wildness, uncertainness, and imperfections of our lives. As parents we have been through a huge amount of unlearning and un-conditioning to follow AJ’s lead rather than try and fit her in perfect little boxes!
Acknowledgement:
To count every one of my experiences whether good or bad as a blessing is my way of expressing gratitude. The collective learning from all these experiences is what I am today – resilient but vulnerable and capable but imperfect at the same time. I would love for nothing more than AJ to experience life on her own terms, learn and be grateful for what she learns and how she grows through each of these experiences. For this as parents we must step aside, respect her decisions and hand her a listening ear or a supporting hand whenever she needs it.
We invite you to explore your idea of a consistent and balanced environment and parenting for your children, people around you and yourself. We also invite to understand what resources are available and what steps need to be taken to get there! While it can sometimes be a long road, from our experience it surely is a rewarding one!
Comments