We live in the age of distractions, addictions, and stress. Be it screen time or social media or unlimited supply of entertainment at our fingertips or work pressure or societal pressure or lack of time for oneself amidst several responsibilities, it consumes us. A lot has been discussed on its impact on our health (physical and mental) and our abilities to reach our potential! However, there is yet another impact that creeps in on us slowly, steadily, and only makes itself known after it has fully overtaken us – disconnection!
All living beings, plants included thrive on connection! To understand connection in humans we need to understand the relevant parts in the human brain. The function of the limbic system is to use all the senses and look for safety in the immediate environment basically the emotional and behavioral responses. It picks up on non-verbal signals, emotions, gut response and governs the long-term memory. In stressful situations the limbic system limits the ability to think and goes into the fight, flight or freeze mode. This happens because a stressful situation disconnects the limbic system from the prefrontal cortex that deals with attention, reasoning, judgement, planning, impulse control, and short-term memory i.e. the logical and practical responses! As adults we often try to distract ourselves from the stress by indulging in addictive habits including screen time leaving us disconnected with fellow humans including our children. In most cases we may be around our children, but we are never fully present.
When we say one of the best gifts to our children is our time, we don’t mean the quantity or the number of hours, we don’t mean the efforts we put in to buy them things nor do we mean the places we take them to or the exposure we give them. We are talking about the complete undivided attention that helps our children feel connected and safe.
Between AJ and us, she is vocal about us not using the screen when we are spending time with her and that has become our check point to take a recourse if we do go off track on occasions.
Here is what we do to establish a strong connection with AJ.
Practice mindfulness to ensure we manage our stress levels! Spending time with children with complete presence of mind, is mindfulness in itself!
Avoid any distractions – scrolling, calls, texting, television, chores etc. during our time with her.
Allow her to choose what she wants to do or take the lead on how she wants to spend the time with us.
Ensure eye contact, warm hugs/ cuddles/ touches, calm tone, and gentle smiles throughout the period.
Avoid bringing in anything to do with learning, disciplining or any other form of direction during the period!
Here’s how we schedule the connection periods with AJ!
If we are physically present around her and are busy, we schedule a few minutes every hour or every couple of hours to re-establish the connection.
If we are away, then we spend the first few minutes with her as soon as we are back.
The period can be 10 to 15 minutes or half an hour depending on her temperament, the duration of separation and our convenience.
Before and after nap and bedtimes! We also co-sleep with AJ!
Nursing sessions and mealtimes! We eat breakfast and lunch with her.
If you have tried this, do let us know your experience!
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