Why do I allow little AJ (two and a half years old) to self-feed but co-sleep with her? Isn’t that what all mammals do? While other mammal calves take anywhere between a few minutes to a few months to be fully independent, human babies take well over two decades to do so. However, parents across all species create an environment that helps the young ones feel safe and connected while allowing them to build self-reliance before they are finally able to be independent.
Self-reliance means reliance on one’s own efforts and abilities! This can only be developed when children are equipped with the necessary life skills. Life skills can be classified into five categories.
Cognitive Skills: The process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses i.e., information gathering, analysis, decision making.
Emotional Skills: The ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways i.e., regulation of sadness, frustration, anger.
Behavioural Skills: Application of skills and abilities to accurately explain existing behaviours i.e., studying, working.
Interpersonal Skills: Ability to understand and interact effectively with others i.e., social skills, teamwork, communication.
Practical Skills: Self-help and life-saving skills i.e., do their laundry, cook meals, manage their finances.
However, we must be careful to understand that self-reliance does not essentially mean doing everything by ourselves without the need for help. It simply means that self-reliant individuals have an understanding and faith in their abilities and judgement which allows them to understand their limitations and ask for help where and when needed. This happens because self-reliant individuals embrace their individuality, develop self-acceptance, and practise self-compassion.
They do not conform to ideas or actions of other individuals or communities if it does not align with their values because they have a strong sense of self-worth.
Further, self-reliant individuals are confident, compassionate, resilient, intuitive, able to think independently and be accountable, have a better perspective about their lives and purpose.
These traits are clearly visible in every species that is born and bred in its natural environment. So, it is really tempting to not go against the law of nature, follow the child’s lead, allow them to observe, explore, create, and experience life on their own in safe environments.
Here’s what we can do to help children build self-reliance:
Allow children to age appropriately explore and take risks by creating a safe environment and a sense of security.
Encourage decision making by showing confidence in a child’s capabilities that will help them develop a sense of competence.
Follow the child’s lead to give them a sense of control over their lives.
Allow them the freedom to make mistakes by avoiding giving too many instructions and avoiding doing things for them.
Encourage them take responsibilities and help them understand that they are accountable for their actions.
AJ can currently take care of all her personal needs, make small meals including the use of fire cooking (under supervision), navigate to nearby locations (under supervision), care for people around her and build relationships. This has been possible by simply following her lead and facilitating her need to be self-reliant.
Children instinctively want to be self-reliant. They show these signs from the very beginning. One of the earliest signs are when they choose to self-feed and decide the quantity of food they want to eat. Simply following the child’s lead will help us implement all the above aspects in inculcating a sense of self-reliance in him/ her.
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A very effective post ... Thank you so much for sharing 💐